Finding myself starting to appreciate certain luxuries in greater detail lately, its quite the blessing. I do however, wonder why it takes monumental occurences to open my eyes to the simplicities in life.
Having the opportunity to throw a board in the bus and just spend some time in and amongst the raw beauty of the ocean has been temporarily taken from me. I have come to terms with how empty this leaves me. It is driving me to depart from all that caused me to experience these trials, but almost thankful that it left me aware of the lack of connection I really had to the things that truly matter and make me feel alive.
Feeling the pain of not knowing if my dog had cancer or not was undescribable, further magnified by the thought that I could have spent more time with her just enjoying the moment, each and every day. Not caring about tomorrow or yesterday, but running around in the waves, sandy and blissful. Just enjoying her innocence and knowing my dog lives for the moment, cherishing the thrill of exploring every nook of an empty coastline.
If I succeed at understanding the manner in which my dog lives, I believe I will live how life should be experienced. Without sitting behind closed doors, without the fear of death, without the knowledge that tomorrow will actually exist. She lives for the second I walk through a door I put her on the wrong side of, and forgets I left her for 8 hours to a place I don't even want to be at. But she doesn't even need to forgive me, because she already forgot the second I came home. I cannot go back to change the times I may have ignored the important things before me, but I can learn to not dwell on the past as she will never do, and make the most out of each moment I have. Leave no breath unlived, knowing she showed me how to truly love, and never let one heartbeat slip by again.
A good excuse is a good excuse, but its still an excuse either way you look at it..
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